Portraits of Jack O'Neill
by Gumnut
Summary: A series of first person points of view regarding Jack O'Neill. May contain spoilers for any season. Each chapter is standalone complete and this series may be added to at any time.
1. The Colonel's Children

The Colonel's Children  
A scribble for the word 'children'  
By Gumnut  
26 Aug 2006

I guess I just hadn't seen him in that kind of situation before.

Sure, I've seen him with children. They gravitate towards him as if they're complying with a law of physics, and I have to say that the reverse is true as well. He loves children; you'd have to be blind not to see it.

But I don't think I've quite realised just how deep that love goes.

The expression on his face as he looked at Marron before she left...an expression of hopelessness, of failure, of the cruelty of fate.

Oh, what a parent he would have made.

He never talks about Charlie, though that is far from surprising; he never talks about anything that truly hurts him. The topic of Sara is equally a no go zone. His defences are impenetrable when he wants them to be.

Except around children.

Is it irrational that for just a moment in the control room, I wanted to grab Marron and whisk her away to safety, not for her benefit, but simply for the Colonel's? To take that expression from his face. To protect I him /I .

Either way, it was an emotional reaction and we all know how well emotion and decisions that affect planets go together.

I would follow the Colonel to my death. I trust him that much. I know Daniel and Teal'c are the same. We're SG-1, we're a team.

And we're family.

Don't think for a minute I haven't noticed the way he treats us. The man has no blood family that I know of and we do to a certain extent fulfil that role for him. Who does he ask to go fishing with him? Who does he ask out to dinner?

Who does he spend the majority of his time with?

The three of us.

And each of us allow him to 'parent' us in our own way. Teal'c gets to be the one who is taught everything. From hockey to how to order a pizza. Daniel is the one who always needs to be looked after. The colonel complains continuously about our archaeologist needing to be on a leash, but I have to say, I think when it isn't a threatening situation, Colonel O'Neill enjoys simply being needed.

As to what he sees in me...well...I don't think I am the one who should be assessing that. Ask Daniel maybe.

Of course, you don't say anything. That would cause embarrassment on several fronts. Men. I know enough of them to know how the basics work.

But I digress.

He handed Marron back to her people today, despite the fact it hurt like hell, despite the fact he didn't believe in what they were doing. I could say he did what was right, but I don't think he believed it was right. Hell, I'm not a fan of their methods myself. But it is their choice. Marron's choice. And I think that is what brought him back here. If Marron had chosen another path, I don't think we'd have him with us any longer.

Is this where I thank fate for being a royal bastard?

I should have opened my mouth back in the infirmary. I should have said something when Marron asked if the colonel was not as smart as Janet or I. But I was too wrapped up in the expression on his face.

Smart has nothing to do with knowledge.

It's what you do with the knowledge that matters.

But that expression on his face today...

Children.

He loves them.

It's as simple as that.

I just wish he hadn't lost the one he had.

But then if he hadn't, where would we be?

-o-o-o-  
FIN.


	2. Appearances

Appearances  
A 'Portraits of Jack O'Neill' scribble fic  
By Gumnut  
29 Aug 2006

Jack is...Jack is a man who has been through a great deal of pain.

The thing is, if you don't know him very well, you won't know that. You can't see it by just looking at him. Take Abydos for example. That first time. I didn't know Jack then. To me he seemed to be your average career minded military type. All work and no play.

Hmm. If Jack heard me say that...heck, I know I can't talk, but seriously the man was a robot.

Okay, okay, I will admit, I wasn't exactly level headed during that mission either. But it was a big deal. Here I was thrown back into a world I had only imagined...and the languages...do you realise what that meant to me? And I was right! It was an experience of a lifetime.

Of course, it has now been overshadowed by all the missions we have since been on, but Abydos...it was and is special.

But Jack, I was talking about Jack. Career military type. Who would have guessed there was a suicidal father under all that pomp and process? So efficient, sharp, determined...heh, even his hair stood up to attention.

He was just so sick and hurting.

And the military took full advantage.

Bastards.

Sam and Teal'c have no idea. They've seen him in some pretty bad situations, but never...no, never that. And by god, I hope never to see him like that again.

Now...mischief and practical jokes, laughter, one liners, he is the life of the party. The ghost of the dying father is gone. No, perhaps not gone, but hidden. Deep. Far from prying eyes.

The only time it's seen is when children are involved.

You can see it in his eyes.

Jack would kill to protect a child. He rallies everything and everyone possible if a child is in trouble.

The incident with the Reetou. I don't know how that young boy attained the name Charlie, but the first time I heard it used, it nearly broke my heart. Jack. God, that must have hurt. And the events that followed...I don't know what we would have done if Charlie had died. It was a very real possibility from the moment he stepped through the gate, but the possibility and the reality are two different things. I saw Jack pleading with Janet, I saw the sympathy in her eyes.

He shouldn't have to go through that all again.

Thankfully he didn't and the Tok'ra saved the day.

But one thing does have me worried. Jack promised to visit Charlie.

He hasn't.

Jack doesn't give his word lightly, but it has been weeks now and he hasn't even mentioned the boy's name. It is unlike him to hide from something like this, but I have to think that perhaps he is afraid of getting too close. Close enough to be hurt again.

It is understandable. Once bitten, twice shy. And pain like that never fully heals.

I may make up an excuse and drag him there anyway. I wonder what Sam and Teal'c would think of the idea.

Anyway, you see, while Jack appears to be the career soldier on the surface, I don't really think he is underneath. Not a typical one, in any case.

Don't get me wrong. He can fight and he is damn good at what he does, but he is not a killer.

He cares too much.

Don't bother accusing him of that though. He'd deny it and then proceed to convince you you're crazy, smart ass lines included free of charge. No, the caring goes unacknowledged, almost as if it is shameful or something. I'm the one who gets accused of caring too much, not Jack.

But there are many different ways to care.

So don't expect Jack to be what he appears to be. Appearances can be deceptive and truths are often hidden, even from those who hold them.

And if you want to see the real Jack, take a moment, sit back and watch, because it is not what he says that matters.

It's what he does.

-o-o-o-o-  
FIN.


	3. The Dichotomy of a Warrior

The Dichotomy of a Warrior  
A 'Portraits of Jack O'Neill' scribble  
By Gumnut  
1 Sep 2006

O'Neill is surprising.

Several people have inquired as to why I chose to follow the Tauri. Why I sacrificed so much on such a slim chance at freedom. Those who have not stood on a battlefield and heard the cries of the dying will little understand even should I choose to explain. So I choose mostly to nod, say little, and let them make their own assumptions. Their opinions do not matter.

But O'Neill understands.

He is such a man who will fight until breath's end, yet possesses such gentleness. The dichotomy of a warrior, hardened for battle, yet loving of life.

I have seen him with young Cassandra Fraiser. He finds much amusement and pleasure in her company, as do I. However, his past haunts him. Where I have Rya'c to stand beside me, O'Neill's son is lost to what lies beyond. Never have I seen a parent so wounded as he.

And I have seen many.

Caused some.

It is possible to mourn forever, yet not all mourning takes the same shape or shares space with the obvious. His pain is hidden, but it is also managed. O'Neill is strong, and while past events have almost broken him beyond repair, he has, with the help of others, regained his determination. And it is this determination that has saved both SG-1 and the Tauri on many an occasion.

And created debt in others.

He is a warrior and from one warrior to another, there is little we do not have in common. Words are rarely needed. Action is all that is required. A touch. The lift of an eyebrow. The raising of a weapon. I have been accused of stoicism and brevity of speech, but I see little need to communicate what has already been said without the aid of voice.

However, having stated this fact, there are some aspects of O'Neill's character that confound me.

He finds humour in television programs like 'Simpsons'. Homer Simpson is undoubtedly a fool, yet he inspires O'Neill to great heights. However. If this is what O'Neill requires to become the great warrior he indeed is, I will support it wholeheartedly.

Pizza.

Most undoubtedly a delicious delicacy, O'Neill's adoration of the meal is understandable. His collection of leftover portions decomposing in his refrigerator is not. Doctor Fraiser has treated him for several mysterious illnesses previously blamed on Stargate travel, but I suspect his attempts at consuming archaeological food items to be at fault.

O'Neill, no doubt, would find his death by food poisoning to be little more than ironic. His sarcasm is predictable in presence if not in content.

His habit of taunting the enemy is both refreshing and alarming. Most who are caught tremble in fear, others rage and fight. O'Neill...O'Neill does anger somewhat, yet his fury is channelled into his wit, it's energy used to spurn the enemy and reassure those he protects.

And himself.

For is not bravery the ability to laugh in the face of danger?

And make the enemy cry.

People ask why I chose to follow the Tauri. I do not give a clear answer, they would not understand.

Because I do not follow the Tauri, I follow Jonathon O'Neill. Because he stood on that battlefield, because he heard the cries of the dying, because he decided to do something about it.

Action is all that is required.

And his said everything.

-o-o-o-  
FIN.


End file.
